Friday 29 February

Well, for a Friday it’s been fairly quiet. None of the kids got sent home from school – a first! – and everyone turned up for their shifts (not so unusual, but it certainly made the day easier), and I got a lift home off Jamie 🙂

I was walking to the bus stop (car’s in for its MOT, I’m picking it up in the morning) and he pulled up and offered me a lift. He said he had to pick Beth up from school on the way and asked if that was ok. I said of course it was, and off we went. I waited in the car while he went in for her, and when he came out he was looked deathly pale, and I know now that that means he’s upset, so when he’d settled Beth into her seat and then got in behind the wheel I asked him if everything’s okay. He just nodded and started driving, but he seemed really off with me, like he didn’t want to look at me. I didn’t know what to do so I turned around and said hello to Beth. She seemed really pleased to see me! She said my name and everything. J looked really surprised. “She never remembers people like that,” he told me. “She seems really comfortable with you.”

After he dropped me off, I picked up some stuff for dinner and made spag bol because it’s Lucy’s favourite. She’ll be here in an hour or so, if the traffic is okay. Still don’t know what to tell her about J. I mean, big sisters are there to listen and advise, aren’t they? She’s always been good at that, and I know I can trust her to not say anything to anyone if I ask her not to, but … I don’t know what I’m scared of. I don’t know what she’s going to say but I don’t want her telling me to step back because I know I can’t do that. I don’t think I can, anyway.

God I’m in a mess


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