Monday 25 February

Lucy rang last night from LA, just as I was going to bed. She’ll be home sometime today I think (time zones do my head in) but I told her we can catch up when she’s slept and got over the jet lag.

Jamie called into work this morning. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since the accident, and goddam he was looking good. Oh god why am I thinking like that! He actually came to find me though and talked to me for a bit which was nice. I wasn’t expecting it. He told me he’s taken his little girl out of school and he’s changing his hours. He said he’ll be back at work next week though, which surprised me. I thought he’d need a lot longer.

‘I need to keep busy,’ he told me. ‘It’s too quiet at home. Everything makes me think of her. But here…’ he trailed off then met my eye and I swear he blushed. Why would he blush? Then he sort of fumbled over a sentence about needing to go and nearly ran from the room. It was weird.

Went to the gym after work and had a bloody good work-out. Darren met me outside and we went for a drink but I really wasn’t in the mood. He’s got an early shift tomorrow so we didn’t stay long. He came in for coffee but when he started kissing me, I told him I’ve got my period, and lo and behold he went home half an hour later. Why are single men bastards and married men not? Or… ugh, I’m being unfair. Is it just that I want what I can’t have??

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